This is a sneak peek from my fundamentals of attraction book, pages 48-53, this is the wave technique. Enjoy! 🙂
I went through a Doctor Phil phase in high school (don’t judge me) and there are only two things that have stuck with me throughout the years from that phase.
- He talked about how he always questioned those parents who had stickers on their cars “My kid made straight A’s and is on the honor roll”. He thought they were ridiculous and I agreed. He wanted to make a bumper sticker in response “My kid makes straight C’s and B’s and has a life and is happy”
- The second thing that he said, that is relevant, was that it takes a thousand ‘atta boy’s’ to erase one single ‘you’re stupid, you don’t matter’.
And it’s true, the brain processes negative outcomes much more potently than positive ones. There was a study that I can’t remember that was talked about in one of my psychology classes. The study was that they brought in some people and quizzed them about how they thought they would feel if they won five dollars randomly. They also quizzed them about how they thought they would feel if they lost five dollars.
Then, in a separate part of the study as people walked through the doors they gave some people five dollars and took money from others.
On average, people rated the possibility of making money and how they would feel at about a 3-4 on a 10 scale. That was about on par with how people felt after they actually did randomly win money.
What that means is that people are pretty good at knowing how happy they would be if they won something. People are pretty accurate in that regard.
But when people actually lost money they rated their feelings at about a 5-6. So losing money made them feel a little worse than when they won money, but not much difference.
But what about how people thought they would feel about potential loss?
It rated about an 8 on average. Which means that people anticipated loss would affect them much more than winning something would or could as well as rating it higher than actually losing something.
The brain has a funny way of focusing on the negative, it’s just easier to do. We have to force ourselves to focus on the positive things in order to get the changes that we want.
Which means that Phil was right when he said that people many positive affirmations to erase a single negative one.
For me, I had a lot of negative affirmations to erase. And even now I still have new ones that I’m discovering every day that I need to work on and am in the process of working on.
One of the things that I’ve worked on, using the same process that I will go into in just a moment, was the fact that I never thought anyone would ever love me. I never believed that a woman would ever be attracted to and want me.
It took me a lot of time to get over that as it was so deeply entrenched in my beliefs.
But now I’m at a place where I know deep down that I am attractive and that I am worthy of love. I might not be the best boyfriend candidate as I still have other areas of my life to work on, but I’ll get there.
These last four years I have transformed myself into the ideal lover. Women get very attracted to me and want me in the worst of ways today. As I said above I am working on my long-term value and once I get that handled my results with women will go through yet another transformation.
This book is largely about your short-term value and attraction. Which you need to get women attracted to you before they will ever consider you for something long-term. And if your short-term value is high enough, women will still stick around even though you don’t have much long-term value.
But I’m going off on a tangent again, let’s get back to what you need to actually do to change bad beliefs…
Theory of a Wave
Think of your negative beliefs like a cliff overlooking the ocean. The ocean, and the waves are the positive thoughts and habits that you want in your life.
The water is filled with your positive frames.
Like Phil and the researchers have said, you need to eventually beat down those negative beliefs and overpower them with positive ones.
Just like the ocean does to wear down a cliff, it takes time and consistent effort.
That’s how I want you to think about it. Your new positive frames will be constantly hammering on your negative ones until there’s nothing left but the awe-inspiring and crushing pressure of your new beliefs. That’s my theory about how you change yourself, but let’s get to the practical step-by-step part.
So now that you have the theory in mind, what do we actually do to get the changes we want?
Simple, every time you have a negative thought like “women don’t want me” you’re going to interrupt that pattern.
Ultimately, the brain is all about patterns and routines. They allow us to shortcut a lot of things and they’re easy. Interrupting a pattern and changing it are difficult, but oh so worth it once you have your new pattern.
But to actually change the neural pathways we have first have to catch the negative thoughts as they pass through our minds.
That’s the first step, when you have a negative thought you need to seize on it with the ferocity of a crocodile biting down on a zebra.
You can use this technique for anything, but since this book is about women let’s use them as our example:
“I’m not good enough for women”. As soon as something like this passes through your mind you need to catch it. After you catch that thought passing through your head then you need to pause and tell yourself that you’re right, that you’re not yet at a place where women are as attracted to you as you want them to be.
BUT YOU WILL GET THERE.
That last paragraph is extremely important.
The brain is extremely reliant on examples. Which is why stories stick with us so much better than anything else, they’re great examples.
This is also why people can’t just tell themselves that they’re a babe magnet when they know that they’re not. The brain is going to fight against that and whoever tries to lie to themselves will fail.
But we’re not going to lie to ourselves, we’re going to accept where we are at the moment. Where we are is not where we want to be, but we will get there.
But that isn’t the final step, this technique keeps going.
After a negative thought creeps through your mind you need to hold onto it. Then you need to tell yourself that you’re not where you want to be, YET.
After you tell yourself that you’re not there yet, but you will get there you need to find some proof for your brain otherwise it’s going to reject your claim.
The brain, as silly as it sounds, doesn’t want you to be happy. It just wants you to be comfortable. And change is very uncomfortable even if it’s going to make you more comfortable and happier later on down the road. The brain doesn’t understand that, it’s all about the short term.
So, we have to recognize that we’re fighting against the brain. But there’s a brain hack that we can exploit; the brain loves proof.
After catching the thought, recognizing the truth in it that we’re not where we want to be, but we will get there, we just need to show it some proof.
“You’re right brain, I’m not where I want to be at the moment. But I’m going to get there”
But what kind of proof do we need? Anything that puts us closer to our goals.
I’ll use myself as an example again; I had never been on a single date or even been kissed by a girl when I started working on this beautiful journey of women.
What I would do, is learn about a few things and get some stories from other people. At first, they were the only proof I had. I used them as proof.
KEEP IN MIND THAT THIS IS NOT IDEAL BUT IT IS A GOOD PLACE TO START.
Use their stories and their proof to help get you started if you are at a place that is similar to the place I was at.
Then, just go for it.
I used their stories and finally scored a date for myself! First date ever! It was bloody awful but it was my first ever date and it was a push forward in the right direction!
First thought: “No woman will ever want me.”
Second thought: “Wait, it’s true that I’m not where I want to be just yet but I know that I can get there so long as I keep working on myself. Why, just yesterday I went on my very first date! Sure, it was a complete disaster and I accidentally yelled at her when I was trying to compliment her but she must have been at least a little attracted to me at first to go on that date. In fact, there are other people out there that started out exactly where I was, some even worse than me and look where they are now! There is absolutely no reason that I can’t get there too, they’re not better than me they’re just further along in their journey.”
I used the first date example because it was irrefutable proof that I was moving forward. The brain can try all it wants to fight against that, and eventually it will win if you let it, but if we keep moving forward then the brain is going to lose.
A little while after that I went on my second ever date. It, also, was completely awful for different reasons but hey, more proof.
First thought: “That first date was just a fluke, no woman could ever be attracted to me”
Second thought: “What are you talking about brain? I just went on a second date just the other day! Again, I’m not where I want to be at right now and that sucks. But I’m getting better! I’m moving forward! Eventually, I’m going to get where I want to go and you’re going to suck it brain! You and women both are going to suck it!”
This is why you have to keep moving forward.
The more actions you take, the more successes you’re going to have. The law of averages demands it.
So, take heart in your victories, no matter how little you think they are. You have to hold onto them because those small victories are what will build you into a better man.
A man that women will go crazy for and that you will respect.
It’s going to take a lot of work.
But that’s why I’m writing this book.
I want you to start with the fundamentals because they’re going to help you get the proof you need quicker than anything else. I didn’t start with my fundamentals. I just went at it haphazardly and because of that it took FOREVER for me to get where I am now.
You work on your fundamentals and you’re going to have women checking you out. When you have women checking you out you have the proof that you need to tell your brain that women are attracted to you, you just have to ask them out and get them on dates.
Once on dates you just need to figure out how to bring them into your bed and your life, or for any other purpose you may want people in your life to fulfil.
As long as you keep moving forward you’re going to keep getting better and better results. Once you get to a place in your life where women are always checking you out left and right the brain can’t fight against that.
Woman 1 checks you out; brain says it’s a fluke.
Woman 2 checks you out; brain says it’s a coincidence.
Women 3-40 check you out; dafuq is going on here? Am I wrong? Am I actually a god-damned stud?
That’s the power of a wave washing away a cliff. It takes time and consistent effort, but it’s literally impossible to not work in the long run. As long as you keep at it.
You’re going to get there and I’m going to do my damnedest to help you get there. I can give you the tools to help you succeed and I will give you all of the tools that I can think of to get you there.
I just need you to promise me that you’re going to use them. Because I can give you the tools but it’s up to you to use them.
Ultimately, this is a journey of self-improvement and nobody else can do it for you.
And I’m asking you to do it. I want you to succeed and I want you to get what you want out of life. So please do keep moving forward and don’t forget, I’m here to help you.
Keep Moving Forward
If you got something out of the free chapter then consider checking out the full book here