You worked up the courage to get her number and she even said yes to a date! Whether you did it while talking to her or through online dating (get the free report on how to message your Tinder matches and get more dates here) doesn’t matter, she said yes!
There’s a feeling of excitement as the day gets closer, but as the day gets closer you’re still not sure where to go…
Or maybe you haven’t gotten that far yet, maybe you just got her number and you’re trying to figure out where to ask her out.
What would make a great date?
Is it a rousing game of mini-golf? Bowling? Dinner and a movie? Or just straight asking her over to your place?
None of the above!
The reason that activity dates don’t work is because you want the women in your life to date you for you, not for the activity itself. You also need a place where you’re free to talk to women and get to know them as well as let them know how awesome you are.
Activity dates can be fun, but they’re ineffective for first dates. Because then you risk women coming out with you just for something fun to do instead of the more important reason of getting to know you.
You want women getting excited for you, not for bowling.
You also want to avoid the other possible problem of women wanting to see you but not feeling like going and doing *enter whichever activity here*. In that case they may end up cancelling not because they didn’t like you, but because they felt like they couldn’t go do something with you.
Dinner and a movie are easy, so they should work, right?
The same can be said for dinner and a movie. Can those things be fun? Absolutely! But then you run the risk of women dating you to catch a free meal. And you could talk and get to know each other better during a movie but then it’s awkward for everybody around you including the two of you. So those are out.
And as great as it would be to just have her come straight over to your place that has other complications that are beyond this post. Trust me when I tell you that even if things work out going this route you don’t want them to go sideways. I’ve had women come straight over before and had it go right. But then you get that one time where things don’t go right and shit really hits the fan.
Save the fun stuff for when she’s already a regular part of your life and she already likes you. Then it’s a fun reward for the both of you.
But now the problem is what should you do now?
Boring dates, that’s what.
Stuff like coffee, drinks or even a walk in a park. The date itself is boring; but at the same time, it follows the cardinal rules of first dates:
- It’s cheap for you (some women will offer to pay which means in this case it’ll be cheap for her too)
- It allows you to talk and get to know each other
- Because the date itself is boring you will know that she’s there for you otherwise she wouldn’t be there
- It’s low pressure. If you don’t like each other you can just get up and leave
- It’s low pressure. If you end up really liking each other you can just get up and leave 😉
Instead of asking a woman out to do something fun with you what you’ll do is ask a woman out to a nice boring date. On a boring date there’s only one single thing to do, and that’s get to know each other. Because it’s a boring date you’ll know that she’s there to spend time with you and get to know you better, instead of catching a free meal.
What’s more, is because it’s a nice boring and cheap date, you don’t run into any of the who-will-pay problems that other dates can have. Because it’s a cheap date of only a couple bucks it’s not that big a deal if you or her pays. It’s no big deal, and that’s sexy because it takes the pressure off of both you and her.
She doesn’t feel weird about if you’re going to pay or ask her to pay. It also takes pressure off of you because you don’t have to worry about it either. It’s easy to pay for an extra cup of coffee.
This frees up your mind to focus on other things, like how to seduce this beautiful woman sitting across from you. Which you’ll first need to get her attracted to you to do that as well as avoiding some of the common mistakes other guys will make on dates.
Don’t throw away all of your hard work after getting her out on a date with you, keep things simple so you can focus on what’s important.
What is important?
You and her having a great time getting to know each other and building a connection, that’s what’s important.
And most of the time that means having a plan in place…
If You Fail to Plan You Plan to Fail
It’s an overused cliche for a reason…
While you don’t want to have every tiny detail down to an exact science, you’ll need to leave room for flexibility. But you do want to be able to take things to the next step if that becomes a possibility, whatever that next step is. But you should have some general plans in place for your date.
What if the date goes badly?
Then you should have an exit strategy.
What if the date goes just okay?
Same deal, you need an exit strategy that will end on a strong note. Or on the other hand you could have another possibility in your back pocket that will help you turn the date from an okay one to an amazing one.
But what if you have an amazing date? What then? Because if you have a great date with a woman you should have a plan in place that allows you to either:
- End the date gracefully so that she’s excited to see you again, but not so excited that she ends up talking herself out of it later
- Or have a plan in place that will allow you to easily transition into you taking her to bed, which as we talked about in When Should Sex Happen is a great thing for you!
But why is having a plan in place for an amazing date necessary? Because if you have an amazing date she might get disappointed that you didn’t take her as your lover and decide she doesn’t want to see you again. It’s one of those weird things that happens as you start to level up your skills with women.
The thing I’ve heard get quoted ad nauseam is “It wasn’t in the cards” or “I really liked him and wanted him, but clearly it just wasn’t fate”.
The reason this happens could be one of several things. She could be so excited that she then gets too nervous to see you and decide not to see you because she doesn’t want you to think poorly of her. Remember, women aren’t as risk taking as men (as a general rule, there are always exceptions) and even us men will sometimes become too nervous to talk to a woman for fear of rejection.
I’ve been there before and I know a lot of other people that have been to, it’s natural.
Women can feel the same way. They get so excited that they psych themselves out for the silliest of reasons. Perhaps they’re having a bad hair day, so they can’t see you when you want to, and then life gets in the way. Maybe they’re on their period or even her dog just died.
There’s also the other possibility that somebody else takes her to bed before you get the chance and suddenly she decides to start dating him instead.
Or maybe it really was some cosmic superpower called fate taking a special interest in you and her, out of billions on the planet and coming between you. Though I doubt it…
The possibilities are endless, but the moral of the story is that you need to have a loose plan in place for different scenarios. The basics are:
- A bad date
- A way to salvage it or escape from it
- An okay date
- A way to turn up the heat or at least end strong so she will see you again
- An amazing date
- A way to get her from point A to point B[ed] or how to release the pressure so that she won’t get silly and cancel the date out of liking you too much or blaming it all on the cosmos
If you don’t have somewhere close by or easy that you can go to you’ll want to go with a two-date model. There are lots of differences between trying for a one date model or a two date model, which I’ll get into in a future post.
Either way, you’ll want to leave the option open for yourself if things do happen. So not only will you want something simple, you’ll want something close by as well.
Have a Few Places You Can Go
On the above note, about being able to go somewhere else to try and turn around a bad date or even turning up the heat, is having multiple places you can go. It’s also possible that she chooses a place and that place turns out to be a flop and you need to swoop in and save the day from the universe tearing you and this hottie apart.
Having at least a few different places that you can take women is crucial.
One reason is because she may want to go somewhere that you have never been. Because you don’t want to look weird you say okay and you guys go. But it turns out that the place she picked is closed, or too crowded.
What do you do?
Simple, you know that you have another place that’s somewhat close by that you know like the back of your plan.
Without having backup places in mind then she may start to get frustrated with her own date location choice and transfer those feelings back to you, which is called anchoring. People associate feelings they feel in the moment to the people they are with and the places they are in. Which in the no-plan situation means that she will start to feel bad about her choice and then associate those feelings to you, which will completely kill the date and you’ll never see her again most likely.
The other reason is because you want to have girls move around with you. If you have a single date but you go to a few different places you will make the bond stronger between you (especially helpful if you need to ramp up the fire between you on the date).
The reason is because even though it’s only a single date she will have experienced more places with you, which is more experiences with you and this causes her feel to like that you know each other better.
A better connection between you can also steal girls away from this mystical fate nonsense when you clearly liked each other 😉
Keep things simple but have a loose plan at the ready, keep things cheap, have a few places in mind and take the pressure off of the both of you.
Keep Moving Forward
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