Should I Wait?
The TL;DR version is this:
- If you are a woman reading this, you want to make him wait for as long as possible. You want to secure commitment before having sex.
- If you are a man reading this, you want to have sex as quickly as possible. If you can do it within 20 minutes of meeting her, all the better.
It’s in a woman’s best interest to make a man wait for sex because, in general, men want sex while women want attention. The longer a woman can keep a man’s attention, without giving him what he wants, the better for her.
The reason is because men tend to think that the harder a woman is to get, the more valuable she is as ‘girlfriend material’. This is simply not true, but the reason that men think this way is because of emotional investment. Which I’ll make a post in the future in greater detail, but here’s a short example of what emotional investment is: click here for what emotional investment is.
But, if women don’t want to be thought of as a ‘slut unworthy of a relationship’ then she has to make you wait to preserve her reputation (unless you’re clearly nonjudgmental).
This is another reason why it’s in a woman’s best interest to wait for sex. Make him work for it and he will value you more, giving you more power in the relationship. Meanwhile, if a woman has sex with you quickly she risks you not sticking around afterwards or looking at her as unworthy.
The easiest way to think about it is like this: power dynamics. Or another common concept in TRP, which I agree with as a general rule (exceptions always exist): Women are the gatekeepers of sex while men are the gatekeepers to relationships, as long as they are roughly equal in status.
But why is this?
Well, for one, a man’s sexual strategy is to impregnate as many people as they can. The biological burden falls onto women as they have more to lose. Therefore, women have to become the gatekeepers to sex, otherwise they could end up getting pregnant by a man with dreadful genes. Dreadful genes back in the days of early civilization meant that her children would likely die off quickly or alone, or both.
Men, on the other hand, have nothing [biologically] to lose if they were to have 100 children with 100 different women. Just look at the people on this list. Though Genghis Khan’s lineage is somewhat debatable, he is the most likely (as currently understood) to be the ancient dad of millions of men who all share his Y-Chromosome genetic sequences.
Did he lose anything by spreading his seed far and wide? Would a woman even be able to have 100 kids? Nope…
Because it’s more of a burden for women, they evolved to be more careful with who they had sex with. Once pregnant, women just aren’t able to get around as well. They needed protection back in the olden days. This is how we, as humans, evolved. And it continues on to this day.
If you don’t believe that, then think of it like this: how easy is it for an average guy to get sex? How easy is it for an average woman to get sex? Now, there are arguments for women finding it difficult to get good sex and I would agree, but that’s not the question.
We can see in the real world that women find it much easier to get dick than it is for a man to get pussy (again, on average). I believe that the reasons are because of evolution shaping our sexual strategies, but it doesn’t matter much what you believe. We still see this in practice.
Understanding Power Dynamics
Now that we understand what happens, we also have to understand the natural outcomes of this phenomenon.
That means that in the beginning of a courtship, women hold all of the power. Though again, there are always exceptions I’m talking about the general rule that famous/incredibly attractive people are exempted from.
This means that if a woman doesn’t want to have sex with you and nor does she want a relationship with you at all, then the courtship/relationship dies. It cannot move forward at all. If a woman wants a relationship with you, but not sex then she will make you wait. The progression of the relationship then rests on your shoulders. Are you willing to have a relationship in the hope of having sex with this woman? If you say yes, then she gets the power back in the relationship immediately. If you say no, then it dies.
If you say yes to the relationship before sex, then even if you do have sex she keeps the power, especially if you’re monogamous. She has control on if you have sex or not.
However, say that you have sex on the first or second date. No relationship is established, and she has given away what you want; sex. Now the power is in your hands, for the most part. If she wants a relationship after having sex, then it rests purely in your hands. If you decide that you like her enough, you can enter into a relationship with her. If you enter into a monogamous relationship/marriage with her then you have given her exclusive power over your sexual satisfaction. If she decided one day that she didn’t ever want to have sex with you ever again, then you would have to terminate the relationship/marriage to fulfill your sexual needs.
Unless you cheat, of course. But cheating opens up a whole ‘nother bunch of problems that I won’t get into here nor do I endorse.
What The Power Dynamics Mean For You
Again, if you’re a woman: make him wait. He will value you much more, unless he has other options, which attractive men usually will. If you try to make a man wait for three dates while another woman, who is just as attractive will have sex with him on the first date, he won’t be as excited about you. So it’s a balancing act, but with your average guy this will work.
This is because the average man has no idea what is attractive to women. Therefore, the women that do sleep with him quickly very well might sleep with just about anyone quickly (like the Crystal Warren story from above). This is a fear that your average man will have, and can be seen in the thoughts of cheating people have in their relationships. Then there are the reasons people cheat (the article itself is useless, but I couldn’t find the source of the pictures and info by itself).
The flip side to this strategy is that you can’t let it slip that you made him wait but didn’t make anyone else wait. Because then it would be exactly like him paying over a hundred bucks for a new phone, or whatever else and then finding out that his friend got the same thing for $20. He will be mad, and the repercussions of this can be seen in real life here. Or even here. Men can and will end marriages if you hurt them by lying to them like this.
On the flip side, if you’re a man, try to have sex with her as soon as possible. There are two different reasons for this; one is the power dynamics that I mentioned above. The other reason is because then you will know that a woman really likes you, or at least is attracted to you. If she’s willing to put her reputation on the line for you, then she’s worth considering for a relationship, in my opinion. Again, this is because I don’t trust women that make me wait when they say they actually like me. Actions speak louder than words.
If you’re not sure how to make it happen, then go here to start getting immediate results. It’s also something this entire blog is about. There’s no reason to be like the men in those stories above, you can be happy with your choice in women.
Two Different Dating Models
Now there’s only one thing left for the guys to know, when should you push for sex? Like I’ve said, the sooner the better. There are two different dating models that are prevalent in the manosphere.
There’s the one date model, where you try to have sex with her on the first date. There’s also the two date model, where you wait to try to have sex with her on the second date.
Neither is better than the other, as the two date method is still relatively fast. They each have their own pros and cons.
Which one you want to pursue is largely a matter of personal choice, though can also depend on the overall situation. With women, I prefer the one date model because I don’t like it when life, or even another guy intervenes. Though there are plenty of times where I will fallback on a two date model if it doesn’t seem likely to have a successful first date that leads to sex.
Keep Moving Forward
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