This is a free look into the Fundamentals of Attraction that I go over in this book, check it out!
Virtue 3: Turning Women on with Your Eyes
Believe it or not, there’s a fun technique where you can OPENLY check out a woman and if she’s interested in you, she’s going to love it. But we’ll get there in a minute.
Earlier, we talked about how Bill Clinton was amazing with making people feel completely at ease in his presence. One of the factors for why, was that he is great at using eye contact. And it pulls triple duty for making women feel understood, comfortable and attracted.
But before even that, we have to talk about getting comfortable with eye contact. Because if you’re in America, like where I grew up, then you’ve been brought up to think that staring is rude.
When I first started working on my eye contact, it was awkward. I had a hard time feeling like a creeper for making eye contact with people.
If you’re like me, you’re going to have to force yourself past that feeling.
One easy way that I did it, was to just try to make eye contact with everyone that I walked past on the street. That means that if a guy was walking in my direction, I’d look him in the eyes. If an attractive woman was walking in my direction, I’d look her in the eyes. If an old lady, unattractive woman or little puppy was walking in my direction I’d try to make eye contact (and pet the puppy because puppies are awesome). Rarely will anyone look back at you (unless they’re attracted to you), which helps make this a little easier at first and weird for you later on down the road.
This will help get you desensitized to the idea of looking people in the eyes; which will allow you to relax once you start doing this with women you’re interested in. Because of that general unease that I myself, and a lot of other people feel with eye contact, only confident people will establish strong eye contact.
And remember, confidence = attractive.
But! You can’t just give people the creeper eyes, that’s going to scare the heebie jeebies out of everyone! And that’s not sexy.
One easy way to avoid this is to have a hint of a smile on your face as you do this. If you have a full on smile it’ll look way too nice-guy-ish, which is unattractive. But if you have a slight smirk then you’ll avoid being creepy and keep clear of nice guy zone.
Or, if you’re like me, you can go for what I call ‘warm eyes’. I’ll think of a happy memory of one of the women that I’ve fallen for over the years and it fills me with happiness and warmth that I can then project out into the world along with a slight smirk.
One way to think about the perfect balance, is to think that you have a secret that nobody else is in on but needs to know. That secret is that you’re a goddamned weapon of mass seduction. Or you will be. If I can do it, then I know that you can do it too.
First let’s talk about a few other don’ts…
- You don’t want to steal glances at a woman. You’re a confident man and you don’t need to steal anything from women, if you’re going to look then go ahead and look. It doesn’t mean that you’re going to stare, but it’s more than okay to lock your eyes on a beautiful sight for a few seconds.
- If you get caught looking at a woman, do not ‘jerk’ away like you’ve been caught red handed stealing a cookie from the cookie jar. Again, you’re a man and you’re not afraid of some beautiful woman finding out that you were checking her out. As long as you’re not creepily staring then you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of.
- If you see a woman you find attractive you can look for a few seconds, if she meets your eyes then great! You can do some other stuff afterwards. If she doesn’t look at you then your eyes move on.
- If you look for longer than a few seconds, that’s when you run the risk of ogling. Ogling is when someone just keeps staring at someone/something. It’s creepy because it’s too much pressure, and it’ll quickly become unwanted pressure. Almost predatory, especially if no action is taken.
- DO NOT EVER look down when you first meet eyes with a woman. That’s a form of submission and women don’t like submission. Women like a man who is confident and dominant, a man who will lead.
Don’t Forget to Smile (plus it’ll help you both relax)
But don’t just flash any ole’ polite smile, or the creepy dog smile above. You need to smile in a sexy way.
You’re going to use the slow spreading smile (the ‘warm eyes’ technique I briefly touched on above helps with this as well).
The best way to give you an idea about what I mean, and why, is this: imagine you’re somewhere out and about when you see a beautiful woman looking your way. When you notice her she’s locked eyes on you already and gives you a quick smile before looking away. Nothing fancy, just a quick and polite smile.
Now imagine that same scenario. You see another beautiful woman looking at you. As soon as you lock eyes with her a slow smile spreads across her lips, first into a grin and then into an actual smile. Her eyes locked onto yours every step of the way.
Which woman do you think has more interest in you?
I don’t know about you but I’m putting my money on the second woman!
That’s because with the first woman she gives you a quick smile. A quick smile can mean anything, and probably just means that she’s being polite. But the second woman? That’s a woman that is smiling directly at you! That woman has meaning on her lips and possible intentions in her hips!
This is something that you can do too. But another part of smiling in a sexy way is to not flash a ‘bright’ smile. What I mean by that is that you should keep your mouth closed when smiling, it’s filled with more mystery and is sexier. While a full on, mouth open smile will be filled with more warmth, we want to go for more sexiness early on.
The bigger smile will make people like you more while the sexier smile will get a woman’s mind running a hundred miles a minute. “Who is that guy?” she’ll think about you with a huge smile on her own face.
Exactly what you want.
If you’re after friends (or using online dating) though, go ahead and show off those pearly whites.
Use the Corners of Your Eyes
The next sexy eye contact tip is to not look at a woman straight on. Eye contact from straight on is neutral at best and too aggressive and frightening at worse. So, when you really want to turn up the charm, look from the corners of your eyes.
Remember how I said that people have an aversion to eye contact? That’s part of the reason but the other reason is that it looks more mysterious, cheekier in a way when you look from the corners of your eyes. Playful in general and the opposite of serious and just another form of flirtation.
If you need to reposition your head to do this, do it. But as you do it make sure to keep your eyes firmly locked on hers. This helps keep up the eye contact, which will help the bond between you, but also makes it more natural. Because if you don’t move much at all in a conversation it can start to feel a little creepy. But on the other hand, you don’t want to just keep moving all the time, then you’ll just look neurotic.
Stronger Eye Contact Tips:
Once you’ve gotten some rapport going with a woman, my all time favorite thing to do in a conversation with a woman is to check her out. But not just any old way, I mean a heavy check out.
I got this technique from Chase over on GirlsChase and it’s amazing.
What you’ll do is when you’re looking at a woman straight on in her eyes, you’ll slowly start moving your eyes down and check her out. All while she’s looking at you.
Move your gaze down from her eyes to her nose, chin, neck, chest and then stomach. How far down you go depends on what you feel comfortable with. I personally just go down to her chest.
You will keep the rest of your body still and naturally relaxed while you do this. Once you get down to as far as you want to go you’ll slowly bring your gaze back to her eyes.
This is the most important part. Once you come back up to her eyes you need to let out a smile. I like to add in a slight chuckle as well.
This tells her that you find her attractive and that you have the balls to openly check her out and are not afraid of getting caught. In fact, you want her to see you check her out. You’re owning your sexual interest in her and that’s panty wetting behavior.
If she’s attracted to you at all, this is going to stoke the flames.
After you’re done with the technique you’ll slowly resume conversation like nothing happened. The word “so” is a good transition into whatever it is that you want to talk about. “So about that skiing trip you were talking about…”
When You Want to Pour Gasoline onto the Fire
This last technique I got from reddit, as I did with the comment about the results of someone using it.
This is a technique that you’ll want to use once you’ve advanced a fair amount into the interaction and she feels at least somewhat connected to you. Otherwise you could put too much pressure on her.
For the short version, you’ll look so deeply into her eyes that you’re literally trying to see your own reflection.
Focusing so intently on her will communicate some intense feelings towards her, and she will feel them. This is why you want to wait until she likes you and feels invested in you before you do this, otherwise it can feel like too much for her and she might bail.
This will make you move a little closer to her subconsciously, which by itself will ramp up the sexual tension and it will force your own pupils to dilate. Because of a lot of sciency stuff that I won’t get into here (mirror neurons), this alone could cause her pupils to dilate and make her like you that much more!
If you’re unfamiliar with this phenomenon, researches have found that when we look at something that we want or like (like beautiful people, for example) our pupils will dilate. It’s an unconscious reaction that we can’t consciously control. This will communicate to her that you like her and that you want her. This will also make her feel like you’re looking straight through her.
I like to use this as an escalation tool, when you’re trying to get something going before making your move towards sex. But you can also use this outside of escalating to sex to deepen the bond between you. If you’re feeling especially adventurous you can even use this during sex!
If you want to experiment with using it after meeting someone make sure that you have your other fundamentals in check before doing so. If she’s attracted to you she’ll love it, but if she’s not attracted to you she will be turned off.
On the same post where I learned about this technique, somebody with the name “bananabreadmuffins” added this comment:
- Hey OP can confirm this works from a female perspective; [the quotation is her text message she sent] “So you know how when you were over, you said that I had a lot of anxious tendencies and when you were leaving you said that I had something on my mind and I may never tell you. I couldn’t tell you because I didn’t know what it was but I’ve finally figured it out. When you were starting at me I was extremely nervous because you seemed so consumed in me. It’s a huge change to have a man with a similar intellect calibration of my own seeming so interested in me. To be honest it made me feel a lot more whole and intrigued than I’ve felt in quite some time and I wanted to pretend that I was used to it. I was trying to be cool and complacent and now since I -for some god forsaken reason- feel myself getting a lot more open and comfortable around you, I thought it’d be nice to give you an answer. Good night and sleep well/”
Just remember that your stare should be gentle and loving, not predatory.
Unfortunately, this is something that you yourself will have to feel out. But here’s a tip on how to get moving in the right direction with this technique: whatever you are feeling in the moment will be transferred over to her and she will physically feel it (mirror neurons again).
If you’re in a bad mood, then definitely avoid this technique like the plague! It’s going to turn into an intimidating predator stare and that’s not sexy. But if you are in a great mood then this will become your bread and butter eye contact move. Because then you’re going to project positivity straight into the women you use it on.
Keep Moving Forward
If you’d like to check out the full book you can do so here