This is a free look into my online dating book, specifically chapter 8:
Chapter 8: Archetypes and Personas
It goes by different names; identity, archetype or even persona. Whatever you decide to call it, knowing your persona is immensely important.
Whether you like it or not, you will be stereotyped according to what other people perceive you putting out into the world. That’s just how human beings are, you and I do the same thing. We have evolved to be this way because way back when, this used to be a very handy mental shortcut. It helped us easily distinguish between threats to our safety as well as help us establish both safe people and safe places.
Most of the time, these stereotypes aren’t going to be very accurate in today’s society, but our biology has yet to catch up. No point in getting angry about it because it’s the reality of the world we live in.
Since it’s going to happen whether we want to or not, we might as well control it. That way, we can control what people stereotype us as and reap the rewards that we want. That’s controlling your persona instead of letting it control you. This is taking a potential negative and turning it into a panty-dropping strength.
But first, what is a persona? To put it simply, your persona is what you identify as and aspire to be and what other people pinpoint you as identifying as and aspiring to be as well as the stereotypes that accompany that image.
Secondly, before going further I have to point out that just because we’re controlling what we put out into the world it doesn’t mean to lie.
What this means is that you just put your best foot forward. You choose a persona that matches a piece of who you are and put it out into the world.
All of us are multi-faceted and there’s a lot that goes into who we are as people, each and every single one of us.
For example, I have a bunch of Yu-Gi-Oh cards that I keep from my childhood. It was a big part of some of the happy moments in my childhood, and I loved that game. My cards mean a lot to me.
But is Yu-Gi-Oh very attractive to women? Maybe some of them, but for the vast majority of women that I’m interested in, hell no it’s not!
Is it a lie to not adopt a hardcore nerd persona and mention my fondness for my dorky cards? Absolutely not because that doesn’t encompass everything I am as a person.
I’m also a huge fan of adventure, photography, sports, reading, writing, ballroom dancing, music and lots of other things!
That means that I can choose to put forward a different side of myself as my first impression to people. This is putting my best foot forward and leading with an attractive persona.
It doesn’t mean that I hide my love of my cards, in fact, I love telling people about them. But they first have to earn that part of myself by proving that they will like me for me. If I lead with Yu-Gi-Oh then most women will be turned off and not want to get to know me. But if I lead with a different part of myself, like photography and ballroom dancing then women get turned on by it. And if I happen to mention Yu-Gi-Oh down the road they’ll reciprocate by telling me about some of their dorky interests.
There was a woman in particular with a near genius IQ and part time model who played viola in the local orchestra that I showed my ‘dork collection’ to. Know what her reaction was? Because there was already a base connection between us she showed me some of the comics that she and her brothers made about chicken warriors (yes, actual chickens mutated into warriors, kinda like Ninja Turtles).
This helps us bond as people, by showing more of ourselves to people that have earned that right.
This also extends to our pictures when using online dating. Don’t lie in your photos but do stick to your persona. This also goes into know what you’re looking for, which I go into more detail in that section. What you want and choosing your persona go hand in hand.
Even though you’re choosing to lead with your attractive side it still stands that you shouldn’t lie. Whether in your persona by choosing one that doesn’t apply to you or by using photos that aren’t in line with who you are.
That means that if your pictures are over two years old; don’t use them (because it’s not a good representation of who you are anymore).
If you’re not in the pictures; don’t use them. Doesn’t matter how cool your car or crib is. There are ways to include those in your profiles if you want to, but make sure that you’re in them.
Again, the goal of online dating is to get women out on dates but your second goal is to have relationships with the women you meet online, no matter how brief you want those relationships to be (for a night or a lifetime).
If you blatantly lie in your photos or use a picture from over a decade ago it doesn’t matter how awesome your personality is because you will never have a romantic or sexual relationship with that woman.
Ever. You can’t fuck a personality.
There’s a lot of tips in here about your photos as well as your profile in general, but don’t lie in either. Don’t use photoshop to cover up excess weight or anything like that.
Sure, you can and should touch up your photos to cover up things like pimples because those are temporary and not a valid representation of you. But you should never have a picture that photoshop has shaved off forty pounds or three years because those pictures will ultimately work against you.
Let’s make things easy on ourselves and be honest.
Rant Over; Back to Archetypes
First, there are many unattractive archetypes as well as attractive archetypes.
Here are some unattractive ones:
- ‘Nice Guy’
- Immature/gang side/etc. guy
- Mirror selfie douchecanoe
- Blatantly needy
- Any ole hole will do guy
Here’s a few examples of attractive archetypes:
- Successful Businessman
- Rock Star/Musician
- Free Spirit/Nomad/Traveler Type
- Ripped/Athlete (could even go as far as a bodybuilder for a sub-niche)
- 007 Cool James Bond Dude
- Adventurer/Risk Taker
- Military Man (or other similar type)
- Surfer/Vegan/Spiritual Type Guy
- The Social Butterfly
By no means a complete list, just some common examples I’ve seen to help you get started. Every person will naturally gravitate to one or more different archetypes. What you want to do is focus on a primary one and have anything else in the background while eradicating any negative archetypes.
As a photographer who enjoys adventuring around and taking pictures of people, the two archetypes that naturally fit my personality are the Artist and the Adventurer.
Artist and Adventurer are the two personalities that I choose to showcase in my own profiles. There are others that I’ll mix in, in small amounts through my choice in fashion.
Your persona can be a mixture of different ones, feel free to choose some of the ones that I’ve listed or even find others.
Find one that works for you and is true to who you are but is also attractive to women. Then keep that persona in mind and try to stay congruent to it when taking your pictures and writing your profile text.
Choosing your Archetype(s)
How do you pick the right identity for you?
For this, first you’ll look to what interests you. If you’re like me and are a bit of a hobby junkie then it’ll be easy to choose which one you can show. If that’s the case, then you’ll want to defer to what you’re looking for.
In my case, I like photography as well as basketball. I could be equally as happy with either the Artist or Athlete persona.
But the women that I like would like an Artist persona over an Athletic one, therefore I choose the Artist over the Athlete.
If you’re not as much of a hobby junkie then you won’t have as many options. But, if you can’t think of a persona that will be attractive to women then my advice would be to figure out what else you would like to do in your life.
Women aren’t looking to complete anyone, they aren’t looking to help others create an amazing life and they never will. Women can and will help you achieve your goals in life, but only if they feel like you already have a life you enjoy living already. They want to join you in your amazing life, and because us guys are expected to make the first move we get judged once we approach women.
If a woman sees that you’re happy with your life then that will go a long way with attracting her. But that’s also if what you have to offer is something that she appreciates in life as well. This goes for both unattractive as well as attractive personas alike.
You could be the next LeBron James in basketball but if what she wants is to build a business then she won’t go for the next LeBron. She might still find you attractive but it’s only going to be that much harder to get this business woman. But, if you find a woman that likes what you have to offer then it’s going to be a no-brainer to choose you!
This is part of choosing your persona in appealing to women. Because once you choose your persona you’re going to scare off women that won’t get along with you while the women that do like your persona will rate you that much better!
Common Attractive Traits Throughout All Personas
Just remember that there are a few traits that you’ll want to convey in your profile regardless of what persona you go for:
- You like your life, even without a woman in it. You have a solid career/job/business or you’re working on it and going somewhere. You know how to handle yourself and most importantly, you believe in yourself and your decisions
- You have a life that will exist outside of her. While you may want a woman, or women, in your life you do not need them. Women are an addition to your already great life, they don’t make your life amazing. They help make it more amazing. Remember, women find men attractive who want them in their life without needing them in their life
- Funny but not silly
- Just have fun, doesn’t mean that you have to be crude but you should be able to make her smile as she reads her profile. You have fun and you are fun to be around. Just don’t be boring
- You can get this right by describing things differently than what most boring people would. You’re not an accountant, you’re a ninja with numbers. You didn’t just watch Finding Nemo, you watched a movie where a man’s family is brutally murdered and then he travels a great distance to rescue his kidnapped son with a woman with memory problems
- Live an exciting or interesting life
- I’ve found that all you need for this is to talk about whatever you’re passionate about. It could be a hobby or even your job. But talk about how it makes you feel and describe it in a way that’s interesting. Being a ninja with numbers again is an example
- For example, I like to ballroom dance and even used to teach it. That means when I describe a hobby I like I’ll talk about how I used to teach ballroom dancing. I love the feeling of moving with the music with a woman in my arms. It’s a sensual experience that I love to help other people share in
- That’s a short version, but it’s an example to help you describe your own life. If you don’t have a hobby, then get one. Regardless of women, it’ll improve your life to be engaged in things that you enjoy
Those are some of the traits that you’ll want to include in your profile. You don’t want to talk about them, because that’s lame. Instead you have to show them in your profile. Women don’t give passes for men who say they have a passion, but they’ll fall for a guy who talks about his passion. Anybody can write that they like adventures in their life, but women know that it’s easy to lie. Know what’s harder to lie about and thus more convincing? Having pictures of you on your adventures.
Same goes for being funny. Everybody likes someone who is funny. But again, men don’t get points for saying that they’re funny in their profiles unless they actually laugh or smile.
Show, don’t tell.
Keep Moving Forward