This is another sneak peek from the same book as the wave technique. Using the wave technique you can change your life, but this is something that I believe goes hand in hand with that. Hope you enjoy 🙂
Ask yourself: “What do I want?”
Do this multiple times throughout the day for different situations you run across.
Do you find yourself bored in a certain moment? What do you want in that moment? Maybe you want a sandwich, maybe you want to get up and walk around. Maybe something else entirely pops into your head.
But now you have your answer. And now you can go do whatever it is.
What if you see an attractive woman while you’re in the grocery store. Should you go talk to her?
Well, that depends. What do you want? Maybe you’re in a massive rush to get home because if you don’t a bomb will go off if you don’t. A silly example, but in this case you shouldn’t approach her because it’s not what you ultimately want for yourself, no matter how hot she is.
But if you see her in the grocery store and you don’t have anything pressing to do, what do you want? Well, if you find her attractive and you’re single then you’ll probably want to get to know her. So go do it.
Maybe it’s a little intimidating if you’ve not done it a few times before. And you will feel that anxiety. But that’s okay, because what do you want? You want to get to know her. You have no other option other than to go say hi and introduce yourself to her.
As far as what to do after that, it’s outside the scope of this book.
But because it’s what you want you have to go do it. As long as you’re not doing anything illegal that will compromise your freedom you have no other choice but to go do it because that’s what you want.
What if you’re with a girl on a date and you find yourself drifting? Well, what do you want?
Maybe this girl is kind of boring and that’s why you’re drifting off. Is she still attractive enough to make a move on? If yes, then what you’ll want to do is steer the conversation towards something more entertaining for you or even just make your move then and there.
If this girl isn’t attractive enough to make a move on, then feel free to end the date. You’re under no moral obligation to continue the date if you don’t want to just in the same way that she’s not morally obligated to do anything either.
What if you’re drifting for another reason though? What if you can’t focus on what she’s saying because you want to kiss her?
How do you go about doing it?
Just go for it.
You want to kiss her so you make your intention known. I’ve had success with just stopping her mid-sentence and telling her “I can’t focus on what you’re saying because I want to kiss you”. Then put your finger underneath her chin and guide her lips into yours. After the kiss you can go back to whatever it is that you were talking about before. Or maybe you’re in a place where you can try to take it further. It’s up to you, you’re in the driver seat when it comes to your desires.
What if she doesn’t want to kiss you though? Then she’s going to pull back. She’s going to let you know that she doesn’t want to kiss you.
What if she doesn’t like you, what if she’s just not ready to kiss you yet, or have sex with you yet or whatever else?
You shouldn’t care. Focus on yourself and what you want. This doesn’t mean that you force yourself on anyone, however. It just means that you make your intentions known. You want what you want and so you are under a moral obligation to yourself to go after what it is that you want.
If the other person wants the same thing that you want then awesome! Congratulations! She was probably waiting for you to make a move, and like a man in this scenario you did. That’s attractive as fuck.
When a man goes after what he wants, it’s attractive because this man shows how confident he is that he is willing to risk a moment of awkwardness to get what he wants.
Again, I AM NOT SAYING THAT YOU FORCE YOURSELF OR HER TO DO ANYTHING.
All I am saying is that you check in with yourself and ask yourself “What do I want?”
Then ask yourself how to go get it.
Then I want you to shoot your shot with getting it.
You’re going to fail, and you’re going to fail a lot. But that’s okay.
If you see a woman in the grocery store and you want to get to know her better you are forced to go try to get to know her better. You’re controlling your own actions. Her actions are her business and you have to react to them. Maybe she’s interested and maybe she’s not. If she isn’t interested then no big deal, you can walk proud with your head held high because you acted on your desires.
It’s a win.
That particular girl might be a ‘no’ girl but you’ll start finding the ‘yes’ girls if you keep at it. The beginning of this book is about developing attractive habits that women will find sexy in general. Not all women, of course, because nothing is ever a 100%.
What About in Relationships?
This rule of “What Do I Want?” also applies when you’ve been with a woman for a while. You’re hanging out and she gets into a bad mood.
One of the things that I want with women is that I want to have fun.
EDIT: quick note that I cover in the book but not in this sneak peek for the below paragraphs: your frame is how you see the world. Just like a picture frame, it frames the picture, only in this case the picture is how you see the world and what you want.
If she’s being a sourpuss, this does not affect my frame. My frame is that I want to have fun and her frame is to be a sourpuss. Because our frames are not synchronized this means that one of us is going to have to surrender their own frame and give into the other person’s frame.
This means that I want her to have fun with me. So I will try a few times to override her sourpuss frame for my fun frame.
One of a few things will then happen: after a few tries she gives up her sourpuss frame and starts laughing and joins my fun frame, or she gets so entrenched in her own frame that I leave to enjoy my fun frame.
I’m going to have fun no matter what. I’d rather have fun with her so I will do what I can to support that fun frame with her, but if she doesn’t want to join me in my fun frame then there’s nothing else I can do.
I then have a choice to make. Do I join her in her sourpuss frame and let her ruin my day or do I just leave her to go enjoy my fun frame without her?
As we talked about in my free eBook with texting, it’s better for both of us if I leave her to enjoy my own fun frame. Not only is this more attractive but it also teaches her that I have a certain vision for my life and if she doesn’t want to be a part of it then she doesn’t have to be. This is the essence of wanting women but not needing women (and trust me, you’re going to fail at this quite a bit before it becomes a habit, I still fail with this sometimes and forget my vision for my life. The key is to keep going until you do get it.)
If it comes to this, then she has her own choice to make either in the moment or later on down the road. Does she want to be a part of my life? If she does, then she will join me in my fun frame. If she no longer wants to be a part of my life, then she won’t join my fun frame and we’ll stop seeing each other.
Notice a few things though: my frame does not rely on her at all. I’m going to have fun regardless of her decision. It does not rely on her because if it did then my happiness would rely on someone other than myself. That’s not healthy. It is far healthier to take your own happiness into your own hands, and likewise, your frames should not rely on a specific person.
It’s perfectly okay to have your frames rely on people in general. For example; one of the things that I want is that I want a woman or women in my life. I want sex in my life and I want love in my life.
These things are external but they’re still within my control.
When using this example about women I’ve found it better to first give this example because it helps people understand it better than if I use it with women only:
Another frame of mine is that I genuinely enjoy helping people. Therefore, I want to help people and it makes me happy to help people.
Then, to make that frame a reality I do things such as write these books that will help people. I know that I can’t help everybody, but I can help somebody. But I don’t have to help everybody and neither do I have to help a specific person to achieve this reality.
For example, let’s say we have two people that come to me for advice. The first person, Person A, doesn’t take my advice and thinks that I’m stupid.
I can’t help Person A.
If I make it my mission, or have my frame rely on helping Person A, then I will fail. I will fail because my happiness rests squarely on Person A’s shoulders.
But that’s not my frame. My frame to help make me happy is to help people, not a specific person.
Now that we’ve established that Person A doesn’t want my help, we have the second person, Person B.
Person B comes to me for advice and loves my advice! They take my advice and they make changes in their life and they get what they want. I have helped Person B. That makes me happy. That turns my frame of help people into a reality.
While I couldn’t help Person A, I was able to help Person B. This scenario falls under my frame of help people and it makes me happy.
I don’t need to help either Person A or Person B in particular. I don’t need to help Person C in particular either. But I will find people that want my help and benefit from my help just the same way that I will find people that don’t want my help.
This same reasoning can be applied to women.
I want women in my life, which means that I have to learn about what women find attractive and adopt some of those traits into myself as a person.
Woman A might not find me attractive but maybe Woman B does. Or maybe she doesn’t and then I move onto Woman C.
Eventually, even if I’m the ugliest dude on the planet, I’m going to find a woman that finds me attractive. Remember that meme? I just have to find the 1+% that does find me attractive. My frame is happy because I want a special woman in my life (even if non-monogamously).
Going back to the sourpuss vs fun frame battle: my frame is still happy because I want to be happy and she doesn’t so I leave. If she decides that she doesn’t want to be a part of my life and my frame anymore then that’s perfectly okay too.
I just go out and find another woman that does want to be a part of my life and my fun frame.
My frames, in both examples are external and dependent on other people, but they are not outside of my control. They are very much in my control because they don’t rely on a specific person but people in general.
If, going back to the sourpuss battle, my frame was: get sourpuss to lighten up and join me on my fun frame, it would be unhealthy. It’s unhealthy because my frame then depends on this one specific person out of billions on the planet. Whereas the frame of have a woman in my life is one of billions.
Sure, if I have a girl I like then I want to keep her in my life and I’ll do my best to do just that (and even now I sometimes mess up, and you will too which is okay, as long as you keep moving forward). Just because she’s being a sourpuss doesn’t mean that I kick her to the curb right away. I give it my best shot before moving on. Maybe she’s just had a bad day and she’ll come around on the next day.
Still perfectly okay.
But if she’s a sourpuss every single day? She’s gone.
And let me repeat it again: THAT IS HEALTHY AND ATTRACTIVE BEHAVIOR.
It’s up to you to figure out your own goals, your own wants and your own needs. Then you have to develop a frame of getting those needs, wants and desires met. Anything that helps those goals, desires or ‘frames’, is good. Anything that doesn’t is bad.
I’ve given you a few examples, but here’s another example outside of women: I want to have fun and enjoy myself.
I want fun.
That’s my frame when dealing with people and the world itself. Sure, that’s not possible 100% of the time because that’s unrealistic. But ever since I started asking myself “What Do I Want?” a lot more of the world has since fallen into place to give me what I want because a lot of things are under my control.
Sure, if someone close to me dies then the frame of ‘have fun’ isn’t going to apply. Though I consider this to be a superpower even Superman gets beaten up sometimes and likewise a frame isn’t going to be on at all times.
But what if you stub your toe on the bed when you wake up in the morning? That’s going to put anyone in a bad mood, especially when the damn thing’s still throbbing.
But what about after it stops throbbing and hurting? When it stops pulsating with pain you have a choice to make: do you let that bad start to a day determine the whole day for you? Or do you ask yourself “What do I want?”
Well, stubbing your toe sucks. But it’s not the end of the world and it’s silly to let it affect you long after the pain has subsided. While it’s still hurting then you shouldn’t just ignore it, but once the pain is gone you need to let it go.
I want to have fun, so after my toe stops hurting I’m going to return to my regularly scheduled program and figure out how to have fun.
Or, during lunch, I could think back about my toe and throw my food all over the place, tip over some tables and demand to see the manager.
It’ll probably get me kicked out but that’s a choice I could make.
What about at work?
Yup, I can have fun there too. If something isn’t fun is there a way for me to make it fun? If yes then I should make it fun.
If there isn’t a way for me to make it fun I have another choice to make: is this job more fun than it is not fun overall?
If it’s never any fun and always not-fun then I should probably leave that job and find one that is more fun as quickly as I possibly can.
The same is true of girlfriends: is this girlfriend more fun than she is not-fun? If the answer is yes then I do my best to keep her. If, however, she’s more not-fun than she is fun then I dump her because we’re not compatible.
Notice, however, that in both the girlfriend example and the job example I can’t make those decisions in the course of a single day. It takes a little bit of time to figure it out.
The trick, is to figure out how much time is enough time. And that’s something that you’ll have to ask yourself about as I myself continue to improve 🙂
Keep Moving Forward