You open up your Tinder account with a sense of dread… no new notifications.
“Is there even a point to continue mindlessly swiping?” you think to yourself. Or maybe you even think ‘This is never going to work’ (if so I’ve got you covered here).
So let’s go over some of the common reasons that I’ve seen for why some guys have an empty Tinder (or other online dating) account and what to do about it.
1. You’re Too Picky
One of the first, and shocking problems that I’ve seen with men is that they can sometimes be too picky!
With Tinder there’s something called your ELO score. This score is basically how attractive Tinder thinks someone is depending on their swiping characteristics.
If someone only swipe right 10% of the time Tinder will assume that they’re picky because they’re attractive. The more they swipe left the higher their score will be, at first.
Because once it sees that they’re swiping left most of the time it will then start showing them more attractive profiles and it will start showing their profile to more attractive women, who are also pickier than normal.
So what happens?
Unless this guy is the absolute best of the best (talking top 1% here, and maybe even then) then what happens is this:
- Tinder shows his profile to pickier women
- Most of those women will swipe left on him. But he shouldn’t take it personally, most of these women are the ‘hot girl’ types that swipe left on basically everyone because it gives them an ego boost. They’re not actually on the app to meet people, they just want validation and are complete time wasters.
- Tinder then drops the guys ELO score to the bottom 1%
After getting so many left swipes Tinder will just assume that he’s trying to compete above his pay grade and will MURDER his ELO score. What happens after that is it will still show him the hot girl types that he wants to see, but it won’t show his profile to them because they’re not swiping right on him.
He needs to work on himself until he’s the top 1% when it comes to looks.
And/or be less picky in his swiping habits.
Look, does it really matter that a girl is 5ft4 instead of 5ft5? That’s the kind of pickiness that I’m talking about here.
I’m not telling you to swipe right on women you don’t find attractive. What I am talking about here is swiping left on a woman because of her not meeting some ungodly high standards that are just foolish.
She’s got to be 5ft9, weight exactly 127 pounds. She has to be a redhead with a tattoo of a swan on her back and read books on the weekends while also being a model.
Stupidly high standards like that are only going to hurt you.
Don’t believe me? Run an experiment yourself! It’s pretty interesting to see what happens.
2. You’re Not Deleting Your Profile Enough
Tinder favors new users over users that have been on the app for a while.
I’ve run this test at least a hundred times myself, personally. And it’s advice I’ve seen work for other guys as well.
What do you do when you’re not getting any more matches? Delete your profile and then make a brand new one.
You can literally do this on the same day!
If you managed to get matches when you first got on the platform but aren’t getting matches anymore then give this a shot.
Tinder favors new users. Why? Because they want to get you hooked, so they will give you a boost for a little while.
After that, they will start choking your account until you cough up some money for the paid boosts.
But here’s a little secret, those boosts are outperformed by simply deleting your profile!
I ran this experiment with my old cell phone pictures. These pictures weren’t the best, but I had a lot of experience with them and I knew what my results would be with using them. This is what I talk about in my upcoming course (get the free mini version here) when I talk about creating a system. You can almost run it on autopilot and get nearly the same results literally every time!
I knew that these cell phone pictures (which I show in the book) would give me about 10 matches a day for the first few days. Overall, in a month I could expect about 40-50 matches every month. Some months would be less than that and others would be a little more than that, but that’s a number range that I could reliably count on.
During this test I managed to get 41 matches in a single month (though as I talk about down below I don’t swipe on the last week, so technically this would be 3 weeks instead of a full month). Not super great, but not bad, especially considering the fact that they were cell phone pictures.
Then, I bought a single Tinder boost to test which was better. So, which is better, new profile or Tinder boost?
When my profile was still new I got 11 matches on the first day of swiping.
For the Tinder boost I chose a Thursday at around 7:00 P.M. which was one of the best times to use a boost, according to my research at the time.
What was the result of my boost?
8 matches. I only managed to get 8 matches in a single day with my Tinder boost.
I will concede that the Tinder boost only lasted for a half hour whereas my new Tinder profile was for a full day. So it could be argued that Tinder boosts are better.
But that’s only part of the lesson, why pay for a boost when I can get about the same results for free?
Why pay when I can get the same results, possibly better, without spending a dime?
I don’t know about you, but I’d rather just delete my profile and get the new profile boost.
This is what I do: create a new profile at the beginning of the month.
Swipe on a few profiles; around 10 or so.
Then I would leave the app for at least an entire day, sometimes 2 whole days.
Then swipe as normal and start talking to the women I matched with. Try to set up dates with them for the next few weeks as I kept swiping as normal.
This is what I would do for the first 3 weeks of a month. On the last week of the month I would rarely swipe at all, often times choosing instead to message and not swipe at all. Or if I did swipe, only swipe on a profile or two at a time.
Then, after the last week I would delete my profile and start completely over.
This is another thing that I talk about in the book, but don’t spend a lot of time chatting with women on the platform. The goal of online dating is to set up dates, not get a bunch of chat buddies.
You might be worried about losing all of your matches when you delete your profile, but don’t be. As long as you’re following the guidelines in the above paragraph you’ll be setting up dates and should have their numbers to reach them after deleting your account.
Then you re-run the process all over again.
If you have amazing pictures, then feel free to extend the time between creating your profile and deleting it. As long as you’re still getting matches then you can keep your profile. But once Tinder starts choking your profile then it’s time to delete it.
But why do you have to delete it? Because of Tinder boosts.
There are a lot of thirsty guys out there willing to spend ungodly amounts of money just to match with women.
The Tinder boost puts your profile in front of more women. In short, it jumps ahead of the line. And if you’re not paying then that means that your profile is getting pushed behind all of these other guys.
And if they’re willing to spend money on the platform then chances are they don’t have very good pictures, otherwise they wouldn’t need to spend money.
What’s the end result of this? Women see a bunch of crappy profiles pushed in front of them and don’t want to spend as much time on the app.
This leaves all of the profiles that don’t have to spend money way back in the back. Which means most women aren’t even going to see your profile.
If you want to, then by all means go ahead and buy the boosts. They do work and if you have a great profile then they’ll work like gangbusters. But if you don’t want to spend money (I don’t) then delete your profile and re-create it for the new profile boost.
3. Your Pictures Suck
Mentioned at the end of the number 2, but this is probably the biggest reason why men don’t get matches.
Their pictures suck.
But here are a few tips to help get you going:
You’ll want to have a picture of you outside that primarily shows off your body. Typically, though not always, you’ll want this picture to be the first in your lineup.
After that, you’ll want a picture of your face and you engaging with the camera. Often times, your body picture won’t do the best job of showing off your face, so that’s the primary reason for this picture slot.
After that, pictures of you and your hobbies. Luckily, there’s a lot that can go right in this picture, so long as the picture quality itself is good.
The very last picture will be a group photo, if you choose to use one (and only a single one). Listen, group photos definitely work, as long as you follow some simple rules.
- You only have a single group photo and it’s the last picture in your lineup
- You’re the best looking guy in the group. This works extremely well if you tell your friends what’s up, and even better if they want a good picture too. That way, you can take turns dressing down for your friend. So you take one picture of you looking GORGEOUS while your friend just looks okay. He doesn’t want to look like a slob because that makes you look bad, but you want to be better looking. Then do the same for him, though preferably in a different setting so girls don’t see both pictures and think ‘They planned this’.
- If other women are in the picture make sure it’s a real group photo so it doesn’t look like your ex-girlfriend. Ambiguity is your friend.
The last picture tip: use a real camera and if you can, spring for someone that can really use it.
Remember what I said above about having a system? You have to invest in a system sometimes, otherwise it won’t be as good as it could have been. Invest now and reap the rewards for literally years.
Your future women will thank you for it 😉
4. You’re Choosing an Unattractive Archetype
Linking to this article again, I go more into detail about a few attractive and unattractive archetypes you can use.
The TL;DR version of that part of the article is this:
You want to showcase the most attractive parts of yourself and your life in your pictures. For example, I have quite a few attractive archetypes I can dig into in my pictures.
I love sports and I like to be active. If I were to fall into those then I could have an athlete as my archetype. This appeals to a wide variety of women.
But I prefer artistic women that being an athlete might not appeal to as much. This means that if I want those kinds of women I would have a much better chance using a different archetype.
Therefore I use pictures of me adventuring around and exploring the world around me. I also make sure to have a picture of me with a camera since I enjoy photography, and this appeals a great deal to the women I primarily want to meet.
As a third option, I like the old card game Yu-Gi-Oh and I still have my cards. But do you think for one second that I have my cards in my pictures?
It’s not attractive to women, therefore I don’t use them.
Later on down the road I’ll show women my ‘dork collection’ as I call it and at that point it’s endearing and women love it. It’s a very different story when a woman is already invested in you.
Right now we’re talking about strangers, so pick an attractive archetype to lead with.
5. You’re Using Taboo Pictures
These pictures aren’t necessarily bad pictures, but they’re looked down upon by a lot of women.
Now, don’t get me wrong, you can still use these pictures and have success with them. It’s even preferable to use these pictures if you are looking for a long term relationship AND whatever you’re showing in your pictures is EXTREMELY important to you.
What that means is this; if a woman doesn’t do whatever it is that you show in your picture then you wouldn’t date her AND you want a long term relationship, then it’s okay to show ‘taboo’ pictures. Because then it’s going to filter out the girls you don’t want to meet while the girls you do want to meet will give you bonus points.
Realize, however, that you will not get as many matches as you would if you didn’t include ‘taboo’ pictures.
What are ‘taboo’ pictures? They’re pictures like:
- Anything having to do with religion
- Including your kids in your pictures (and even if you are looking for a long term relationship this picture should follow the group picture rules, which means have it in the back of your lineup)
- Pictures that clearly show you only looking for hookups
- And others that are similar
Hookup pictures are a little different, yet they’re still taboo pictures. What I mean are pictures that are kind of douchey, like bathroom mirror selfies that are extremely sexualized.
I’ve never used them so I can’t give much advice about them other than what I’ve read, but others swear by them if all you want are one night stands.
But you have to look above average and you’re still not going to get as many matches as you could have otherwise. In addition, you’re going to be messaging a lot of women before one bites.
So why use them?
Because they do save time if you can do them right. You can safely have a girl come straight over to your place and fuck, after she’s shown interest. Why else would she want to see you?
6. Your Bio is Needy or Unattractive
Neediness is a death nil for attraction.
Neediness in men is like an extra 800 pounds on a woman.
The only exception?
There are chubby chasers out there that like bigger women. But the reverse is NEVER true.
The only women that go after needy men are the women who want to use them and then throw them away. Think gold diggers and similar. Those women aren’t going after needy men because they want them, they want what they have to offer.
What does neediness look like?
Anything that makes it seem like you’re chasing a relationship or don’t already have options.
7. Your Messages Are Awful
What’s up. Hey. You’re beautiful. I would drag my testicles over 10 miles of glass for a chance to say hi to you.
Awful… just awful messages.
Listen, you don’t have to have amazing messages and it’s best that you don’t go into the other extreme of trying to entertain women.
BUT YOU CANNOT BE BORING!
Whenever you message a woman you have to have something mildly fun and asks a question (or otherwise makes it easy for a woman to message you back).
That’s something that the above messages don’t do, they make it difficult to message back.
A woman has to think about what to send to the above messages.
Don’t get me wrong, you want women investing in you. As much and as often as possible you want women to invest in you.
But this is just too soon, it’s too much work and she doesn’t yet know if you’re worth it.
If you want to take the extra time, comment on something in her profile that stands out to you. Ask a question about it.
Asking about a funky hat in a woman’s profile is easy to respond to because she doesn’t really have to think about it.
It gets the ball rolling.
After that, you can ask some more detailed questions and even tease her. And you’ll need to chat a little bit. Generally, I recommend around 5 messages you’ve sent and 5 messages that she’s sent, making a grand total of 10 messages exchanged.
Sometimes it has to be more than that and sometimes it can be less, but 10 is a good general safe spot.
8. You’re Talking Way Too Long to Pull the Trigger
The other problem, of trying to get too much too fast, is taking forever to pull the trigger.
This is by far the most infuriating mistake I see men make. They keep talking and keep talking and keep talking and keep tal-*zzzz…*
If you’re not asking women out after message 10 regularly, then you’re waiting WAY too long.
There are some guys out there that recommend you cut down the number to 6 (3 from you and 3 from her) and others that just say to go for it on the first message!
I’ve experimented with both, and I find 10 gets me better results and it’s what I recommend.
But if you’re on message 15 and you haven’t asked her out then you’re waiting waaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy too long.
What really sucks about seeing guys make this mistake is that he’s going to lose women that were interested in him! Meanwhile the vast majority of the women talking to him after this point just want to use him for attention and are complete time wasters!
There are women that use online dating that don’t want to actually meet people. For them, they’re more than happy to just talk and talk and talk and talk for as long as you let them.
It’s what they want.
But as soon as you ask them out on a date?
They’re gone and the guy is sitting there trying to figure out where he went wrong.
Sometimes these women will even give stupid excuses as to why they’re not interested “You’re moving too fast”.
Bullshit! They just want to keep talking and have no interest in meeting up with anybody!
Move faster and you’ll get more dates. The girls that ghost you are what I call ‘no’ girls and they don’t matter. Focus on the ones that say yes because they’re the only ones that matter.
9. You’re Getting Too Sexual Too Fast
If all you want are one night stands then you can safely ignore this rule, but recognize that you’re going to lose women. Meanwhile the women that just want to use and lose you will love it.
But otherwise, you’ll want to limit your sexuality on Tinder and other online dating platforms. Stuff like this can work extremely well in real life, because you get bonus points for being brave and having brass balls.
But online? You get no bonus points because it’s way too easy for guys to just rock out with their cocks out, and many do to the detriment of us all…
In real life, when you see an attractive woman that you want to talk to you don’t just bust out “hey let’s fuck” right away because it doesn’t work! You have to give her a chance to get attracted to you and you have to go through at least a few steps.
Now, don’t get me wrong, there are going to be lots of chances out there to skip steps. Sometimes you can skip all of the steps and be inside of a woman within minutes of meeting her, but those are the exceptions, not the rule.
When you’re on the date you can express some of your sexuality and have it work marvelously, but when online it only makes guys look like chumps who never get laid.
10. The Area You’re in Sucks
I hesitate to say this, since it can become a crutch for people to lean on too much. But sometimes it really is the area. If you’re in the middle of nowhere with a population of 5 then you’re not going to get results.
Doesn’t matter how good your profile is.
If you want to make online dating work for you then you’re going to need to be in a bigger city. Otherwise you won’t have enough people.
Dating is a numbers game anyways and you need the numbers in order to succeed. No numbers means no success, which means that you’re going to have to change your strategy if you want to stay where you are and still succeed.
It can be done, but not with online dating.
11. You’re Massively Obese
This is another thing that I didn’t want to put on here simply because guys will see this and give up.
Listen, it’s not hard to have a healthy weight. I’m by no means a male model, far from it in fact. I eat basically whatever I want but I don’t go overboard and right now my exercise is non-existent because of my other goals. I still eat cookies and pizza and all of that but I don’t do it every day. Most days I just eat normal food. Doing this alone will control your weight to acceptable levels. If you want an above average body type then you will have to put in above average work.
When it comes to women, there are a lot of different things that women can find attractive about a man. Women’s sexualities are a lot more flexible than a man’s.
But women aren’t blind!
If a guy looks good then women are going to see it and she’s going to find him more attractive than the next guy. Even if the next guy is the exact same person, just not wrapped up in as nice a package.
This effect is exacerbated with online dating. But the good news for us guys is that most men use pictures like this:
And the same thing goes for controlling your weight. Have you ever seen some of the transformations from the tv show “The Biggest Loser“?
Some of them are pretty shocking, and most of them do it in less than a year!
Again, I’m not a male model. I’m about average and I’m assuming that most of you are average as well. What that means is that we could probably break into the top 10-20% of men within a month or two with some serious effort and dedication.
That’s the most beautiful thing about human beings to me, personally. That we have the ability to make such drastic changes in such a short period of time.
If 5 or so months seems like it’s too long to you now, think about it this way: where will you be in a year from now if you make these changes?
Where could you have been today if you had already made those changes last year?
Keep Moving Forward
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