That Special Spark
Chemistry, that special spark, butterflies in the stomach and who knows what else. It has a lot of different names, but the end result for all of them is the same. It’s a special feeling that most people don’t really know how to describe.
For some, it’s love at first sight. For others, it quickly develops from a small ember into a roaring flame.
Love at first sight does happen, and those moments are very special. In my experience, those moments are often reciprocated and is almost always mutual. When love at first sight happens women are a lot more forgiving of mistakes and they make it easier to get them out on dates with online dating (get the free mini course here).
But what I want to talk about isn’t something that’s blind luck, or based on genetics alone. I’m talking about something that you can master; sexual tension.
Sexual tension is that special feeling, that ‘magic’ that women talk about when they talk about a past date with someone who didn’t have ‘it’. ‘It’ is sexual tension. She didn’t want to fuck him and doesn’t understand why, even if she found him very attractive.
What Goes Into ‘It’?
There are many different things that can go into it, and just looking attractive is certainly a part of it. For some women, it’s all that matters, for others it doesn’t matter at all. For the overwhelming majority of women, it’s somewhere in between.
There are attractive men out there who don’t ever get laid and who don’t ever get girlfriends. It’s because they don’t have that magic spark. They don’t know how to create and handle sexual tension.
The most important thing that goes into sexual tension is learning how to be comfortable with tension in general. When first getting started you will feel a pressure that’s too much. You must learn how to become comfortable with that pressure.
Women like men who are strong, men who are comfortable with uncomfortable situations.
That means when there is a silent moment in the conversation, don’t rush to fill that silence. That pause, that silence, is where the magic starts to happen.
But, as usual I first have to give a disclaimer: doing this you will scare off some women some of the time. Don’t worry about them, if you see a woman getting uncomfortable then stop and move onto the next one. Even the best of the best can’t get every single woman out there. Those are called ‘no’ girls. ‘No’ girls don’t matter, just focus on finding the ‘yes’ girls because those are the ones that are going to make your life better.
So if a woman pulls back or seems uncomfortable, then take a step back. It could be that she’s just not ready yet. It’s also possible she won’t ever be ready. It’s up to you to decide if you want to stick it out and try again later or just move on. It’s completely subjective and up to you.
Now let’s get back to the magic…
In another post I went over some beginner touch info, which you can access towards the end of this post. Those are more in-general scenarios, and will still be great on dates, but let’s go over some date specific touching stuff.
There are a few different ways to touch a woman on a date. In the beginning, you’ll want to stick to more ‘safer’ places like those in the article listed above mention. They’re places like the hand, or arm when making a point or in a high moment of the conversation.
Typically, in the beginning, you’ll want to use the palm of your hand. So just place your hand wherever it is that you want to place it for a small touch of a second or two at the most. This kind of touch is to get her relaxed and used to your touch.
If you feel like using your palm is a little too much, you can instead use the back of your hand. For people, it feels a little less invasive if you lightly touch her with the back of your hand. This is an especially easy way to get away with more naughty forms of touch in public, which I’ll talk about in a moment.
If she’s too far away from you, you can even just tell her “give me your hand for a moment”. As long as you haven’t set off any red flags in her yet, and you don’t launch into touch the first moment you see her, she will more than likely comply. It’s also a way to get her to do something in the seduction as well so it’s not just you doing all of the work.
You can do this to emphasize a story, or you can do this while she’s telling you a story. If she asks why just tell her the truth; that it helps you to understand her better and connect with her more.
There are a lot of guys out there that have whole routines/stories set aside just for these situations. They work, and I’ve used them in the past, but I would recommend that once you get the basics of it down you should move into something more natural in the moment as it will work better.
After a few of these moments you can move into other areas and other forms of touch. A good area to touch is also her thigh.
You can do this any number of ways. Again, an easy way is when she talks about exercising, going to the gym, losing weight or whatever. Just say “Oh yeah?” and tell her to flex her leg as you touch her thigh. Then you can say how you can definitely tell that she works out or even make a sarcastic comment (as long as it’s not mean, there’s a big difference between teasing and being a dick).
If you go the sarcastic comment route, make the comment so absurd that it’s beyond obvious that you’re joking. Don’t be mean.
Getting Past The Touching Basics
Once you’ve broken the touch barrier (first time touch in general or even specific places) of her thigh, you’re free to touch her there whenever you want. As long as it’s within reason, your touching privileges can be revoked at any time.
You’re not trying to cop a feel when you touch women. The goal of touching is to get her attracted to you and even a little aroused around you. When people feel different emotions they tend to anchor those emotions to whatever is around. In this case; you. If you touch her and she becomes aroused she will see you as someone who turns her on and become more attracted to you.
Back to touching.
Once of my favorite ways to touch women is to use my fingers and lightly trace her. What I mean by this is that you’ll put your finger[s] on her and just start running them back and forth along her body. This is something that I’ve always done after sex and find it helps solidify the bond you two have created. And before sex it’s a fun way to increase the sexual tension.
The thigh is an amazing place for this. The reason is because it’s so close to her pussy and her inner thigh is sensitive. While you don’t want to touch her inner thigh, the outer part of her thigh will also be sensitive.
After breaking the thigh touch barrier, you can start ‘tracing’ her thigh with your fingers if you’d like. As long as neither of you bring any attention to it, it will create a sensual experience for her. And it will arouse her a little bit.
You don’t want to just touch her here throughout the entire date though, you want to mix it up. If you notice that you’ve been tracing her or touching her for a few minutes then casually take your hand away and stop.
Unless you plan on taking the interaction to sex soon, you also want to be careful about turning her on too much. If she gets excited and horny and then you don’t do anything about it, there’s an astronomical chance that you’ll never see her again. You’ll have disappointed her and made her mad. Then she’ll just get her needs met by someone else.
So, just like most other things in life, you want to balance what you’re doing. If you plan on trying to have sex with her soon, then you can go a little further with your touch and get her wet for more.
Naughty Touch in Public
Another, extremely fun way to touch a woman is to graze her somewhere that’s more sexual, like her ass or even her boobs. It’s a fun way to introduce some more sexual tension into the interaction, and this is something that you can do even in public.
If you’re touching her face, her hair or possibly even checked out a necklace she’s wearing you’ll do this immediately after. Instead of just taking your hand away, you’ll drop it.
With the back of your hand, you’ll drop your hand down her body and lightly graze her boobs. I’ve been doing this for a few years and I’ve never been slapped for it.
Again though, I need to stress that this isn’t something that you’re going to do in the first five minutes if you’re a beginner. You want her to be used to the idea of being touched by you at this point, and you want her even a little turned on before you do this.
Doing it this way will spike her emotions and give her a jolt of sexual energy. And because it’s in the act of your hand dropping she doesn’t even have time for it to register in her mind until it’s already done. It’s a light touch that will last maybe a few milliseconds.
You can do the same kind of touch when leading her somewhere. Place your hand on the small of her back (which you should always be doing anyways) and then just let your hand drop and lightly graze her butt.
This is a move that you want to use very, very sparingly. Probably only once in the entire interaction. You want it to be a special treat. Otherwise she will get used to it and it will become boring to her.
And again, something that you don’t want to do very soon or it will creep her out.
If you’re a completely beginner with touching, or you’re not sure about it, it’s best to not use this move. But if you have the confidence to pull it off, it’ll work wonders for you.
Another Way to Increase The Sexual Tension
Strong eye contact.
This is another thing that I struggled with when I first got started. If you haven’t worked on your eye contact, you’ll feel an intense urge to look away when someone looks into your eyes.
But that’s what weak and polite people do, so you’ll need to train yourself to stop doing that because it wreaks havoc on a woman’s attraction for you.
To give you an example, when I was younger, I had a woman that would always ask about me when she saw anyone that I was related to. She worked at a grocery store and even remembered some of my favorite snacks. She would occasionally go so far as to give free stuff to my family to give to me.
And then she had a class with me. She made a lot of effort to be near me and talk to me. The entire time I was nervous as all hell, and couldn’t fathom how someone as hot as she was (and she was also 2 years older than me) would even be interested in someone like me.
But then one fateful day she cornered me after class. I started to sweat, and when she tried talking to me I couldn’t even look her in the eyes. My eyes darted every which way, which did wonders for expressing how nervous I was.
She picked up on this nervous, anxious energy I was giving off. How uncomfortable I was with her and her attraction for me plummeted straight into the dirt within a span of about 5 seconds. She never wanted to talk to me again and nor did she ever give me a free snack again. She stopped asking about me when she saw my family and was no longer interested in me. All because I couldn’t look her in the eyes.
That’s how important eye contact is.
You don’t need any special tricks to maintain the sexual tension, as long as you’re touching her that will be enough. But you do need to be able to look people in the eyes, especially women.
This is another sign of confidence in yourself, which is why it’s so sexy to women. While you don’t want to full on stare her down, you do need to have the ability to gaze into her eyes.
The best time to do this is when you’re touching her and there’s a quiet moment in the conversation. Rather than rush to fill the silence with useless chatter, just look at her. Look at her and grin.
This little action will communicate to her that you like her and that you think she’s sexy. This will also tell her that you are a sexy man yourself. She will feel your confidence.
In some later posts I’ll dive more into touching and eye contact. But these tips are enough to get you started on first dates and get her attracted to you.
Just doing these things will put you head and shoulders above most other men. These things will help her feel that ‘spark’ that she’ll talk about with her girlfriends after your date.
And when you reach out to her again for another date, she’ll smile and giggle as she remembers what she felt when with you.
That’s the sexual tension side of things for first dates, next time I’ll get more into what to actually talk about on dates.
Have questions or concerns about sexual tension? Leave a comment for me to get back to, I’m here to help 🙂
Keep Moving Forward
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